Cross My Heart
by StrongatHeart
Summary: Brian has a secret...and Justin wants to know what it is.


**Title: Cross My Heart**

**Disclaimer: Showtime and Cowlip own Queer as Folk. **

Brian struggled and finally managed to open his atypically heavy and reluctant eyelids. Approximately two and a half seconds later, they were shut tight again. There was minimal light filtering in through his windows and illuminating his loft, but it still seemed exceptionally bright to his ultra-sensitive eyes. He reached up a hand to rest against his pounding skull, and came to the realization that he was experiencing a rather excruciating hangover, the likes of which he hadn't known in years. After a few more groggy moments of trying to collect his thoughts, which seemed determined to elude him, he finally managed to grasp onto one single thought in his mind that prevailed above the others.

What the fuck had happened last night?

There had been alcohol. That much he remembered. Also, drugs. What kind of drugs, he wasn't entirely certain, however, and that could be a problem.

He thought Mikey might have been there, too. Wherever "there" was.

Brian opened his eyes again, blinking rapidly against the onslaught of light, and gazing around the loft. Justin didn't appear to be in it. Damn. He'd have to do this alone, then.

Ignoring his spinning head, he managed to lift himself into a sitting position. Bracing himself, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, and stood up, swaying a bit on his feet.

He stumbled into the bathroom, and realized for the first time that he was still wearing all his clothes, including his shoes. He must have been pretty fucked up on...whatever he was on...to just fall into bed like that. He couldn't remember if Justin had been there or not, and decided to call him after a quick shower.

Slowly, with a hand on the wall to balance himself, he slipped out of his shoes and pants, tripping a little when he got his foot stuck in his pant leg and tried to yank it free. He caught himself, thankfully, and straightened up to remove his shirt.

It was when he slid the black wife-beater over his well-defined chest muscles that he first realized there was a problem. His eyes grew round, and he paused with his shirt halfway over his head. Gathering his resolve, he pulled the shirt the rest of the way over his head, closed his eyes, and looked down, not sure that he wanted to see what was there.

He gasped.

All right, so he had a problem.

* * *

"Honey, I'm home!" Justin called out in a sing-song voice that was dripping with sarcasm as he slid the loft door shut. He dropped his bag near the counter and went straight for the fridge.

"Brian?"

Deducing within seconds that there was nothing worth eating in Brian's refrigerator, he closed it and went to search for Brian himself. Eating his boyfriend's ass was much more fun than eating food, anyway.

"Bri?" Justin's ears caught the distant sound of the shower running, and he smirked, deciding that what he really needed right then was a shower himself. He had just taken one that morning, but really, you could never be too clean.

Shedding his clothing on the way to the shower, it took all of about ten seconds before Justin was standing completely naked outside it, licking his lips in anticipation when he saw his boyfriend standing with his back to him, water pouring over his shoulder blades and down his spine. _Nice view, _he thought appreciatively.

Brian was either oblivious to his presence, or was ignoring him, because he hadn't turned around, hadn't moved at all. Justin slid over to the shower, trying to keep quiet just in case Brian really hadn't realized he was there, deciding to try and surprise him.

Well, at best, he got his wish, anyway.

His lips twisted into an irresistible smirk, Justin stepped into the shower, his hand outstretched, reaching eagerly for his boyfriend.

The moment he heard the movement of another human being in the vicinity, however, Brian gave a great jump and a yelp of surprise. For a second, Justin thought he'd just startled him, but became concerned when Brian turned away, his back to him.

"Brian?"

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Brian asked over his shoulder and the continued rush of the water.

Justin was confused. "I...I always come over after my shift at the diner on Wednesdays. Then we get a movie, and stay in and..."

"I thought your shift wasn't done for another hour?"

"It's past five. Brian, what's wrong?"

Justin reached out a hand to touch Brian's shoulder gently, but the brunette jerked away. "I just remembered...I have a lot of work to do tonight. Why don't you go out?"

Justin frowned. Brian still hadn't even turned around. "Are you okay?"

"Fan-fucking-tastic. Now why don't you go call Daphne or Emmett or someone? Go do...something."

And with that, Brian had slipped out of the shower without even so much as glancing in Justin's direction, slinging a towel around his waist as he left. Justin just stared after him, more bewildered than ever.

* * *

"Justin, I'm _trying_ to work."

Justin just grinned. Brian, he could tell, was doing his absolute best at pretending to be aggravated, while secretly enjoying—immensely, he might add—the blond's ministrations.

Brian had been sitting on the couch for nearly an hour when Justin had wandered over to see what had had his boyfriend so fascinated for such a prolonged period of time. It turned out to be several pair of earphones in a variety of colors. When Justin had asked why the older man was just sitting there staring at the things as though they were the most enthralling objects he'd ever set eyes on, Brian had launched into one of his long-winded explanations that were really more of an excuse to complain than anything, and Justin had managed to pick up something about a new account, incompetent dick-heads in the art department, and a new employee that, by the end of Brian's rant, Justin was feeling very sorry for. Hopefully it wouldn't be too hard for him to find another job. He was going to need it to pay for therapy once Brian got through with him.

Now, Brian was trying to scribble into a notebook, laid open on the arm of the couch, while Justin planted distracting feather-light kisses down his neck and jaw. Brian was turned partially to the side, facing a little away from Justin. Not that it mattered. Justin was practically on top of him by now, anyway.

"_Justin..._I know you've never really learned the meaning of the words, but _fuck off," _Brian growled, scratching something out in his notebook. Justin gave his ear a little nip in reply, making Brian hiss in reluctant pleasure.

"Jus_tin..."_ Brian closed his eyes as the blond began to work his way down to his collar bone, sucking and licking, while sliding his hand around to rub the brunette through his jeans. Brian groaned, his grip on his pencil tightening. Justin squeezed the hand on the front of his jeans at the same time as biting down on Brian's shoulder, and the notebook slid off the couch onto the floor. Neither man noticed.

Suddenly, Justin was thrown from his place halfway on top of Brian's body, as the older man pounced, flattening him to the couch in one smooth movement. Then Brian's lips were crashing into his, experienced hands making him gasp and moan as they found all the right places.

Justin ran his fingers through Brian's hair, over his shoulders, down his back. Brian pressed himself into Justin, pushing his tongue into the warm, sweet-tasting cavern behind the luscious pink lips. The blond arched up into the lean body of his boyfriend, smiling into the kiss at the satisfaction of having finally gotten what he wanted.

Brian's hand had, after an initial struggle, gotten past the particularly difficult button on Justin's jeans, and been shoved insistently into his underwear. Justin's teeth sank into Brian's lip as he began stroking him.

"Brian..." Justin's fingers clenched around the hem of the brunette's shirt, focusing as best as he could on getting it up over the auburn head, a task that was proving difficult, what with the distractions he was now receiving.

He finally succeeded in pulling it up to Brian's shoulders, his lips never leaving his boyfriend's. He broke their kiss long enough to try to pull the shirt over Brian's head, but before he could do anything, he suddenly found his hands receiving sharp slaps and his body missing a certain weight and warmth as Brian sat up, tugging his shirt firmly back over his chest.

"Bri...?"

Brian's breathing was as ragged an uneven as Justin's, but he appeared to be attempting to compose himself as he ran a hand through his own tousled hair.

"Sorry, Sunshine. Work to do."

Justin just looked at him, open-mouthed, horny, and completely nonplussed, as Brian leaned over to retrieve his notebook and began scribbling in it again diligently, bottom lip caught up between his teeth, as though nothing had happened at all.

* * *

Brian pulled open the door and stepped inside the darkened loft. He already had the rest of the evening planned out before him:

-Shower

-Make a lewd comment that would inspire Justin to suck his dick on the ride to Babylon

-Actually go to Babylon

-Insult either Ted, Emmett, Mikey, or all of the above

-Have a shot or four of Jim Beam

-Get dick sucked in back room

-More Jim Beam. Maybe some E.

-Require Justin's services to drive him home

-Possibly get dick sucked again

-Pass out

All the makings of a perfect night.

On the way to execute item number one on his list, however, he received a distraction that immediately caused him to rethink his plans.

Justin. On the bed. Naked. Bound by his wrists and ankles.

Plans could be rearranged.

His mouth hanging open in astonishment, he slowly approached the bed. Justin blinked up at him in a manner that could only be described as seductive. Brian's eyes flicked to the thin pieces of rope binding Justin's wrists and ankles together, his tongue poking into his cheek.

"How the fuck did you manage to do that?"

Justin shifted positions on the bed, giving Brian an inviting view that made his cock twitch against his pants.

"I'm talented."

Brian's knees hit the bed, and it was only then that he realized he'd been unconsciously getting closer and closer to it the whole time.

Justin bit his lip, long eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he blinked slowly up at him. Brian ran a single finger over the blond's chest, as though to test what he would do.

The response was a pleasurable one. Justin shivered, goosebumps shooting up his bare skin, but he still waited for Brian to make the first move.

It didn't take long.

Three seconds later, Brian was above him, on top of him, forcing his bound arms over his head and his lips apart. The rope around his ankles slackened as the brunette's thigh dug itself in between Justin's legs, as Brian continued his brutal attack on his tongue and lips.

Justin was horny as hell, as he had been for the last half an hour he'd been waiting for Brian to get home. He had thought about starting on his own, but figured he'd need all the stamina he could muster once Brian came home and saw him like this.

He groaned loudly as Brian dipped lower, sucking on the nipple with the ring while pinching the other between his fingers. Brian's very erect cock strained against his jeans, pressing into Justin for a moment, until he slid lower still, swirling his tongue around inside the blond's navel.

Brian was finally forced to release Justin's hands, and the younger man's fingers were almost at once tangled in the soft tufts of auburn. The fingers tightened when Brian began to suck lightly on the head of his cock. He fought back another groan, squeezing his eyes shut and just letting Brian take over.

"Oh, _fuck me..."_ he gasped.

And, really, who was Brian to deny the young man what he really wanted?

Brian sat up and made to turn Justin over onto his stomach, but the blond protested.

"No, I want to see your face. It's hotter that way."

Justin could sense Brian's hesitation. He waited for what felt like an eternity, until finally Brian conceded and allowed him to roll back into his previous position.

Brian crawled up the bed to retrieve the necessary products. When he returned, his jeans were unzipped, unbuttoned, and halfway down his hips. Brian dropped the condom and lube next to Justin, then turned his attention to his bound ankles.

"I'm going to untie you," he said, and Justin nodded. The knot wasn't particularly complex, and Brian had him free in no time. Justin took advantage of his newfound freedom, curling his toes around the tops of Brian's jeans, and giving them a little tug downward.

Brian understood, and slid them off, tossing them on the floor behind him. Justin's cock throbbed when he saw that his boyfriend had once again forgone the pesky impediment that was underwear.

"Fuck me," he said again. Brian bent low to kiss him again, and Justin took the opportunity to lock his still bound arms around his shoulders, holding him there. "Now."

With a little bite to the blond's shoulder, Brian reached over for the condom, tearing it with his teeth and moving to slip it on himself.

Justin, eager as he was to feel his boyfriend inside of him, still wanted the thing done properly. "Brian, take off your shirt. I wanna feel you when you fuck me."

Brian merely kissed him in response, and Justin could feel the soft material of the shirt Brian still wore against his bare chest. Soft or not, however, it was nothing compared to the way Brian's naked skin felt sliding against his.

"Brian, c'mon...take it off..." he pleaded, pulling weakly at the material.

"I want to fuck you with it on."

"_Brian..."_

Brian silenced him with another kiss and sat up to grab the lube; Justin's was forced to relinquish his hold, though he did so only reluctantly.

He gasped, however, when he felt the welcome invasion of Brian's finger in his body. Then again when he felt the second one. He moaned when he felt the third, and again when all three were removed. Brian, though, didn't seem to have had enough. His finger circled around the outside of Justin's hole, poked teasingly inside him, then back out. Justin shuddered from the teasing ministrations.

Finally, he could take no more. His fingers found the front of Brian's shirt, pulling him down so that they were face to face.

"Fuck!"

Brian's exclamation and frantic movements were enough to make Justin let go abruptly. Brian sat up, clutching at his chest, keeping up a constant stream of colorful swearwords, and then suddenly he was gone, racing off to the bathroom.

"What the fuck is _wrong _with you?!" Justin demanded from the bed.

* * *

"At first I thought he didn't want to have sex with me or something, but I don't think it's that...he has no problem fucking me, as long as it's either from behind or with his shirt on. I mean, not that I don't like it from behind. But it's kind of nice from the front, too, you know?"

Daphne nodded as Justin paused to take a sip of his soda.

"Anyway, the other day I got myself all tied up and I was laying on our bed waiting for him, right? And he comes home, and everything's fine. He's into it, I'm into it. I told him to fuck me, so he tries to turn me over, but I told him I wanted to see him."

Justin apparently did not notice his friend's awkward grimace, and continued.

"So then, he wants to keep his shirt on while we do it. Which is really unusual, cause half the time at home he just walks around in pants, anyway, if that... but it's not the first time he's insisted on keeping his shirt on lately. It's totally weird. He won't even take it off in front of me," Justin frowned, taking another gulp of his soda, and Daphne looked at him warily from the opposite side of her couch.

She chewed thoughtfully on the burger Justin had picked up for her from McDonald's on his way over. "Well..." she said around her mouthful of food. "Despite the fact that that was _way _more information than I wanted to know about your sex life, I'm going to help you anyway."

Justin nodded, looking a bit sheepish.

She swallowed her bite of hamburger, still appearing deep in thought. "Okay, well...I know it's going to sound insane, but...maybe he's feeling a little...self-conscious?"

Justin's eyebrows shot up. "Brian? Self-conscious? You have _met _Brian, right? The egomaniac with a head bigger than Pittsburgh?"

"Yeah, well...I said it was crazy. But, think about it. He won't let you see him in the shower, he won't take his shirt off in front of you, he won't fuck you face to face..."

Justin looked up from his plate of fries, his eyes wide and horror-struck. "You don't think that's really true, do you?"

Daphne shrugged. "It could be."

"Oh God," Justin shook his head. "But...but Brian's perfect! He's beautiful. He hasn't got anything to worry about at _all."_

Justin, looking ashen faced, didn't even protest when Daphne reached across the space separating them and snatched a few of his fries. "Then maybe you should remind him that."

* * *

Brian had barely stepped inside the loft when suddenly his arms were full of a very vivacious, bubbly blond.

"Hey, Bri! How was work?" Justin asked sweetly, after their lips were thoroughly reacquainted with each other.

Brian shrugged, his grip tightening around Justin's waist, as Justin's did the same around his neck. He had never regretted telling Justin that he wanted to come to home to him. If this was what that meant, he was beginning to see why people liked it so much, though he'd never admit it.

"It was work. How was school? And the diner?"

Justin shrugged. "It was school and the diner. Debbie's been trying to get Michael to go on this diet thing," he rolled his eyes.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She says he's too skinny. She even tried to get Emmett to do it, too, but he told her he'd be more likely to eat...well, lets just say it involved muffins, in several senses of the word."

"Sounds fascinating. But I suppose not everyone can be as beautiful as me," said Brian, releasing Justin and walking further into the room, stripping of his suit on his way to the shower. For a moment, Justin thought that maybe there was a chance Daphne was wrong. Brian still seemed like the arrogant ego-case he'd always been. But then he caught sight of his boyfriend standing on the other side of the loft in nothing but his shirt, and frowned.

"Can I join you?" he blurted.

Brian looked over at him, but Justin was too far away to see the alarm written in his eyes. "Join me?"

"In the shower," Justin elaborated, beginning to close the distance between them. "Any chance to see your sexy body, right?" he flirted, reaching Brian and sliding his arms around the brunette's waist. Brian's hands found Justin's hips as the smaller man leaned up to plant a trail of kisses down his neck.

"Or how about you start some dinner? Or order something? Thai sound good?"

Justin didn't like the slightly frantic, panicky note in his partner's voice. "You in the shower sounds better. C'mon."

Brian looked uneasy as Justin began unbuttoning his shirt, kissing each inch of bare skin as it was uncovered. "You—are—so—_beautiful," _Justin whispered, punctuating each word with a kiss to Brian's neck or upper chest.

"Justin..."

"So _hot..._fucking _sexy..."_

"_Justin!" _

Justin looked up at him in surprise.

"Cut it the fuck out, will you?" Brian said harshly, pulling away and beginning to re-button his shirt.

"Cut what out? Kissing you? Telling you you're hot?"

"Just...fuck off!"

"No, _you _fuck off!" Justin snapped back, his anger rising to the surface. "What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?"

"Nothing! Just leave me the fuck alone!"

"Brian,_ please! _I want to know what's been going on with you these past few days! You won't let me see you in the shower, you _won't _fuck me face to face...fuck, maybe Daphne was right! The great Brian Kinney is feeling embarrassed about his body!"

Brian blinked. "Embarrassed about _what, _exactly?"

"You tell me!"

"Why the fuck would _I _be embarrassed? I'm fucking beautiful!" Brian argued defensively.

"I _know!" _Justin felt like pulling his hair out.

"Then what's the problem?" Brian demanded shrilly.

"Why the fuck won't you let me see you?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"It's none of your business!"

"Tell me, you asshole!"

"Leave me alone!"

"Fucking tell me!"

"I got a fucking tattoo, all right?! Now fuck _off!"_

Justin just stared up at him, open-mouthed, his words still sinking in. "You got—you got what?"

Brian gave him a warning look, but Justin ignored him. "I got a fucking tattoo."

An excited grin was slowly spreading over Justin's face, all previous frustration gone. "Oh my God! Let me see!"

Brian turned resolutely away from him. "No."

"Why the fuck not?"

"I don't want to," Brian said childishly.

"You don't want to show me?"

"No."

"Why not? What's it of, anyway?"

"None of your fucking business," Brian said again.

"Why, is it like, really stupid or something?"

"Fuck off!"

Justin lunged for the front of Brian's shirt, trying to tug it down far enough to see the hidden tattoo.

"Stop!"

"I want to see!"

"No! I'm getting it removed," Brian said firmly, slapping Justin's hand away from the top of his shirt.

"Can't I just see it once, then? Please?"

Brian glared into the pleading blue eyes. Then the glare softened into a look of skeptical appraisal under the cerulean stare. And then he was pulling his shirt open, yet another casualty of the Sunshine puppy pout.

Justin's jaw dropped in surprise for the second time that day. "Oh—" was all he could manage. He reached up to trace a finger around it, his eyes unusually wet and shiny.

"Bri, it's—" he stopped, not knowing what to say.

"It's gone Monday morning," Brian said gruffly. "I didn't even fucking _mean _to get it. I was piss drunk, and high on fuck knows what. I woke up with it. Mikey got the Professor's," he added, as though trying to justify his temporary insanity with the excuse that Michael had done something stupid and reckless, too.

Justin blinked, trying to hold back his sudden tears as he stared at the crimson heart tattooed across Brian's chest. Feathery silver angel wings protruded from either side of it, and an old-fashioned scroll trailed from the bottom.

And in the center of the scroll, written in next-to-permanent black ink, were six letters.

J-U-S-T-I-N

Brian was looking at him, challenging him to say a word about it, but Justin, words having failed him, merely reached up and brought the brunette's head down to kiss him soundly.

His chest swelling with an unidentifiable emotion, Justin slowly pulled them both toward the shower, happy to finally be able to enjoy one with Brian again. Water pouring over both of them, Justin kissed down Brian's chest, drawn to the little scarlet heart etched just above his real one. He kissed it several times, loving it even despite Brian's insistence that it was going to be removed.

He'd have to see what he could do about that. After all, he'd managed to fix himself a permanent place in Brian's life. Perhaps he could do the same with the tattoo.

* * *

**A/N: I just got my first tattoo today, and while I was looking through designs, this idea came to me, lol. :D Please review and tell me what you think :) **


End file.
